The Archbishop Sleeps At The Altar
Our dear Captain Ogle has been unable to sleep tonight, so here we have him in his white robe, a glass with lemon juice at his side, he loves lemon juice in its purest form, it makes him think that all those pigs and cows he has eaten will somehow be wiped from his arteries by the acerbic nature of his lemon juice.
Please remember we are not here to judge this man, he is one of us.
The television is blaring away, something is being sold to him, a step-master exerciser, there are these very robustly plainly beautiful people in tights moving their legs up and down and smiling from all those endorphins that they are releasing, in the back ground a voice alerts us to the fact that these people will live to be one hundred years old because they have healthy lives unlike say, pork chops. But as we zoom back at our husky and lovable Ogle, we know we don’t want him to live to one hundred, age doesn’t improve your looks, any further deterioration here and the world might react to correct the anti-aesthetic aging process which this step exercise machine would allow.
Fortunately for us, our sleepless man is sort of dozing off, and not really hearing anything, wait he is moving. His body is stretching, he is grabbing at his balls, literally grabbing his balls, don’t look if you don’t want to, I have no choice I am the reporter here. He is trembling, his hands and arms grab a hold of his chest, he is perspiring, his head is stiff, the head on his face, stiff, his mouth is semi open, saliva, dry saliva is creating strings between his lips, he opens his eyes, wide, he sits up in a frenzy, looks at the stair masters doing their thing, and he calms down, everything is ok, everything is ok.
But just as he was reaffirming normality the wood on his floor started to creak and then it started to laugh and Ogle’s eyes and ears freak out doing the rounds to determine where the laugh was coming from, even as it was clear that it was coming from beneath the wooden floor, only he lived on the first floor, so there was no room for noisy neighbors, then the wood started to bulge, and bulge and a figure started to protrude from it, and Ogle got closer to his couch, his hand gripping the arm rest, the figure was laughing, as it was now obvious from a face, even as the figure was still flat, on the floor, it laughed, and still it sprouted, and then it started to talk, “ha, ha, ha, you just don’t know what just happened to you captain, you just don’t know, of course you couldn’t know…” the figure continues to spring out of the floor, into a full vertical upright, making about four feet tall, where captain can now see a creature, precisely shaped as if it had just gotten out of a cookie cutter, the figure is all black, flat with about eight inches of squared width, and its entire body is star shaped only very normally human with limbs and fingers, only just like a star cookie cutout, and all black with shiny white teeth, “Yes captain, I am real…” The captain was trying to look at the step master people exercising, but on the screen was just this easy credit card offer: “For only $129 dollars you can be on your way to 100 years of age…” this was not reassuring the captain “…and if you buy now…” so the cookie cutter figured sensed it and “…very real, real as you are real, only I just got here.” captain all scared but noting how entrance equally implies an exit option, “Just got here?” “Yes captain, I had to come you were looking so silly, I’ve got to witness all that and I said to myself, hey I better help the Capt out, true, I shouldn’t be here but hey I am a little devil, I try to be where I shouldn’t be.” “You’re a devil, oh Jesus lord, what have I done, forgive me lord…” Captain summoning all piety drops to his knees supplicating, “…lord, lord I promise I will change, please forgive me lord…” The captain would have gone on like that except that little devil decided not, “shut up, shut up now, he ain’t going to hear your pleas.” Capt pauses his inclination to seek mercy, “What do you mean he ain’t listening? Am I so damned that he wont listen to me!” Tears streaming from his eyes, “Oh Capt you’re such a show, forget it, I can’t explain the universe to you, I just wanted to tell you what just happened, here, when you got your balls all scrunched up nicely, or don’t you want to know?” Captain Ogle compromises with himself, he decides to listen to the insanity just to see if it will go away, only it doesn’t it just giggles, smirks, laughs and talks on, “listen here Capt, you got a nice visitation tonight you were in fact being possessed by a hungry female spirit that wanted to touch your growing, and just feel your husky fat football player essence. She was just passing through and lusting for mortal passions; and you Captain Ogle had your guard down, that is you weren’t busy reminding yourself that you are a human being that has to work and think, instead you were dozing off and that created an opportunity for this rapacious somewhat old and not so beautiful female spirit, do you remember what she looked like?” Captain Ogle now engaged in the conversation, “She looked all of purple with amoeba like figurines.” Little Devil replies, “Yeah the older ones get like amoebas with liquidy shades of purple and black. Ogle you should have felt this purple feminine flat blanket like wall, specially when she firmly grabbed your balls and a shuddering electricity rounded your body, but that’s when you thought that this was some kind of an evil thing, and wrongly started to pray, thus ending what might have other wise been the fulfillment of spiritual ecstasy.” Little Devil laughs and rubs its belly, then it turns and spins, “Yikes! gotta go, be back though Captain, best to you.”
It was close to five thirty in the morning so the captain shook his head and looked at his hands, he didn’t see anything, right, right, and so went to take his morning shower, only today it would be a cold one, he needed badly to wake up; yet as he was bathing his hunky black body, he saw an unusually magnificently engorged penis, and he felt sexual so he put it in his hands and thought “I hope it stays like this… this should stay like this for the babes…” but of course, he not being Habakkuk and not being susceptible to a spiritual awakening had no way of reaching the whole experience.
Meanwhile I wish I could tell you that Lauren and Antoinette were home together having a nice sleep but such was not the case, Antoinette was home with Loki while her beloved darling was out working. She had been asked to investigate the possible murder of an archbishop, the tragedy had taken place in the church, he had been found dead on top of the altar, with the chalice on his chest full of red wine. He seemed rather comfortable, nicely robed, and tranquil to the admiring eyes. The church had been as empty as the house of god can be when there isn’t any one there; Father Trocin found him just like that, he immediately phoned the authorities, suspiciously without first waking up the rest of the church gang.
Lauren speaks to him. “Father Trosin is it?” “Yes, yes,” he is skinny, partially bald with thick hair creating a crown on this pin of a walking man skeleton, all spirit I’d guess, “Yes, yes, Trocin, pronounced phonetically just like you spell it “T” “R” “O”” “That’s quite alright Father Trosin,” she mispronounced it, his eyes opened like an eagle ready to target a poor but attractive innocent white bunny on the hop, “that’s alright father Trosin, I get it, I am very good with names.” Father Trocin molested, moved his cheeks and tightened his mouth, he was a scholar, he had just dimensioned the entire cerebral Lauren cortex and found much to his comfort that he was smarter. “What time did you find the body?” “Oh I’d say about an hour ago? He was just laying there, at first I thought he was just getting some rest…” Lauren interrupts, “Getting some rest!” “Well yes, sometimes when we are keeping watch at night we climb on the altar and take a brief nap, it is very affirming, (raising his hands) the altar is the center of all the holiness that surrounds us.” “But would the Archbishop be on watch duty?” Hands clasped and almost spitting into Lauren’s face, “On no, no, his lord ship no, of course not.” “Then what do you suppose he is doing there Father?” “Well I think he is being dead…” retorts Father Trocin with raw condescension, “…but that is really for you to figure out isn’t it?” Lauren cutes her head a few degrees to point out to the father that he is smaller in stature, “Precisely why I am here and not sleeping with my honey.” And walks away.
She stumbles into Danny, “Hello Lauren, I see we continue to assure you job security.” Her eyes dart towards him, “Feeling cranky tonight!” “Jesus yesterday I had three druggies all done up the sleeves, the day before it was a bunch of rookie rompers all bulleted up, and now I have the honor of the archbishop.” “Yeah well don’t worry Danny… she closed up to his face as if to almost kiss him and grabbed his chin… “…he ain’t murdered until you say so, with any luck he was just taking a nap and died.” “Is that what you think happened?” “Danny, you know me, I don’t try to figure this stuff out so early in the game.” “Yeah right.”
Danny was unusually not himself, he seemed out of touch, Lauren took note of it, that was her job, notice the subtleties even if they dead end, besides, it was Danny, he was bound to have a bad night, specially if this place was beginning to feel like Daley’s Chicago.
Lauren waited for the cops to tape down the crime scene, she had talked to the only apparent witness and hence the only apparent suspect, she had something against the Jesuits, and this Trocin fellow had something of a Jesuit priest look about him that stirred eons of molestations within her. She opted to not care anymore for the night. “Hey Danny I’ll see you in the morning bright and early.” “Don’t bank on it.”
As she walked out of the massive cathedral a beautiful drizzle shined the brick walk, she covered herself with her dazzling much too cosmopolitan red jacket, and made way towards her brand new Ford motor car. Ford was a company financially in trouble, Lauren did not check the car buyers bible to see if the possible resale value of the car would make it a worthy investment, she didn’t even have the money to buy it, she did not even know that she was helping to save Ford, she just bought it because the dealership was on her way home. Antoinette gave her the money and the red jacket, Antoinette wanted her to buy a nice sexy European car, Lauren acted crustily indifferent, “They are all cars.” Sometimes Ford gets lucky. She made her way to her Ford when she stumbled upon a rattling bottle of pills. She picked them up, used her key chain flashlight to take a closer look, “Timothy Wellington” The prescription was for “Timothy Wellington” The label read “Paxil.”
Lauren placed it in her coat pocket looked back at the massive cathedral where she now knew Timothy Wellington lay dead, got in her car and went to kiss Antoinette good morning before rushing to the police department.
Please remember we are not here to judge this man, he is one of us.
The television is blaring away, something is being sold to him, a step-master exerciser, there are these very robustly plainly beautiful people in tights moving their legs up and down and smiling from all those endorphins that they are releasing, in the back ground a voice alerts us to the fact that these people will live to be one hundred years old because they have healthy lives unlike say, pork chops. But as we zoom back at our husky and lovable Ogle, we know we don’t want him to live to one hundred, age doesn’t improve your looks, any further deterioration here and the world might react to correct the anti-aesthetic aging process which this step exercise machine would allow.
Fortunately for us, our sleepless man is sort of dozing off, and not really hearing anything, wait he is moving. His body is stretching, he is grabbing at his balls, literally grabbing his balls, don’t look if you don’t want to, I have no choice I am the reporter here. He is trembling, his hands and arms grab a hold of his chest, he is perspiring, his head is stiff, the head on his face, stiff, his mouth is semi open, saliva, dry saliva is creating strings between his lips, he opens his eyes, wide, he sits up in a frenzy, looks at the stair masters doing their thing, and he calms down, everything is ok, everything is ok.
But just as he was reaffirming normality the wood on his floor started to creak and then it started to laugh and Ogle’s eyes and ears freak out doing the rounds to determine where the laugh was coming from, even as it was clear that it was coming from beneath the wooden floor, only he lived on the first floor, so there was no room for noisy neighbors, then the wood started to bulge, and bulge and a figure started to protrude from it, and Ogle got closer to his couch, his hand gripping the arm rest, the figure was laughing, as it was now obvious from a face, even as the figure was still flat, on the floor, it laughed, and still it sprouted, and then it started to talk, “ha, ha, ha, you just don’t know what just happened to you captain, you just don’t know, of course you couldn’t know…” the figure continues to spring out of the floor, into a full vertical upright, making about four feet tall, where captain can now see a creature, precisely shaped as if it had just gotten out of a cookie cutter, the figure is all black, flat with about eight inches of squared width, and its entire body is star shaped only very normally human with limbs and fingers, only just like a star cookie cutout, and all black with shiny white teeth, “Yes captain, I am real…” The captain was trying to look at the step master people exercising, but on the screen was just this easy credit card offer: “For only $129 dollars you can be on your way to 100 years of age…” this was not reassuring the captain “…and if you buy now…” so the cookie cutter figured sensed it and “…very real, real as you are real, only I just got here.” captain all scared but noting how entrance equally implies an exit option, “Just got here?” “Yes captain, I had to come you were looking so silly, I’ve got to witness all that and I said to myself, hey I better help the Capt out, true, I shouldn’t be here but hey I am a little devil, I try to be where I shouldn’t be.” “You’re a devil, oh Jesus lord, what have I done, forgive me lord…” Captain summoning all piety drops to his knees supplicating, “…lord, lord I promise I will change, please forgive me lord…” The captain would have gone on like that except that little devil decided not, “shut up, shut up now, he ain’t going to hear your pleas.” Capt pauses his inclination to seek mercy, “What do you mean he ain’t listening? Am I so damned that he wont listen to me!” Tears streaming from his eyes, “Oh Capt you’re such a show, forget it, I can’t explain the universe to you, I just wanted to tell you what just happened, here, when you got your balls all scrunched up nicely, or don’t you want to know?” Captain Ogle compromises with himself, he decides to listen to the insanity just to see if it will go away, only it doesn’t it just giggles, smirks, laughs and talks on, “listen here Capt, you got a nice visitation tonight you were in fact being possessed by a hungry female spirit that wanted to touch your growing, and just feel your husky fat football player essence. She was just passing through and lusting for mortal passions; and you Captain Ogle had your guard down, that is you weren’t busy reminding yourself that you are a human being that has to work and think, instead you were dozing off and that created an opportunity for this rapacious somewhat old and not so beautiful female spirit, do you remember what she looked like?” Captain Ogle now engaged in the conversation, “She looked all of purple with amoeba like figurines.” Little Devil replies, “Yeah the older ones get like amoebas with liquidy shades of purple and black. Ogle you should have felt this purple feminine flat blanket like wall, specially when she firmly grabbed your balls and a shuddering electricity rounded your body, but that’s when you thought that this was some kind of an evil thing, and wrongly started to pray, thus ending what might have other wise been the fulfillment of spiritual ecstasy.” Little Devil laughs and rubs its belly, then it turns and spins, “Yikes! gotta go, be back though Captain, best to you.”
It was close to five thirty in the morning so the captain shook his head and looked at his hands, he didn’t see anything, right, right, and so went to take his morning shower, only today it would be a cold one, he needed badly to wake up; yet as he was bathing his hunky black body, he saw an unusually magnificently engorged penis, and he felt sexual so he put it in his hands and thought “I hope it stays like this… this should stay like this for the babes…” but of course, he not being Habakkuk and not being susceptible to a spiritual awakening had no way of reaching the whole experience.
Meanwhile I wish I could tell you that Lauren and Antoinette were home together having a nice sleep but such was not the case, Antoinette was home with Loki while her beloved darling was out working. She had been asked to investigate the possible murder of an archbishop, the tragedy had taken place in the church, he had been found dead on top of the altar, with the chalice on his chest full of red wine. He seemed rather comfortable, nicely robed, and tranquil to the admiring eyes. The church had been as empty as the house of god can be when there isn’t any one there; Father Trocin found him just like that, he immediately phoned the authorities, suspiciously without first waking up the rest of the church gang.
Lauren speaks to him. “Father Trosin is it?” “Yes, yes,” he is skinny, partially bald with thick hair creating a crown on this pin of a walking man skeleton, all spirit I’d guess, “Yes, yes, Trocin, pronounced phonetically just like you spell it “T” “R” “O”” “That’s quite alright Father Trosin,” she mispronounced it, his eyes opened like an eagle ready to target a poor but attractive innocent white bunny on the hop, “that’s alright father Trosin, I get it, I am very good with names.” Father Trocin molested, moved his cheeks and tightened his mouth, he was a scholar, he had just dimensioned the entire cerebral Lauren cortex and found much to his comfort that he was smarter. “What time did you find the body?” “Oh I’d say about an hour ago? He was just laying there, at first I thought he was just getting some rest…” Lauren interrupts, “Getting some rest!” “Well yes, sometimes when we are keeping watch at night we climb on the altar and take a brief nap, it is very affirming, (raising his hands) the altar is the center of all the holiness that surrounds us.” “But would the Archbishop be on watch duty?” Hands clasped and almost spitting into Lauren’s face, “On no, no, his lord ship no, of course not.” “Then what do you suppose he is doing there Father?” “Well I think he is being dead…” retorts Father Trocin with raw condescension, “…but that is really for you to figure out isn’t it?” Lauren cutes her head a few degrees to point out to the father that he is smaller in stature, “Precisely why I am here and not sleeping with my honey.” And walks away.
She stumbles into Danny, “Hello Lauren, I see we continue to assure you job security.” Her eyes dart towards him, “Feeling cranky tonight!” “Jesus yesterday I had three druggies all done up the sleeves, the day before it was a bunch of rookie rompers all bulleted up, and now I have the honor of the archbishop.” “Yeah well don’t worry Danny… she closed up to his face as if to almost kiss him and grabbed his chin… “…he ain’t murdered until you say so, with any luck he was just taking a nap and died.” “Is that what you think happened?” “Danny, you know me, I don’t try to figure this stuff out so early in the game.” “Yeah right.”
Danny was unusually not himself, he seemed out of touch, Lauren took note of it, that was her job, notice the subtleties even if they dead end, besides, it was Danny, he was bound to have a bad night, specially if this place was beginning to feel like Daley’s Chicago.
Lauren waited for the cops to tape down the crime scene, she had talked to the only apparent witness and hence the only apparent suspect, she had something against the Jesuits, and this Trocin fellow had something of a Jesuit priest look about him that stirred eons of molestations within her. She opted to not care anymore for the night. “Hey Danny I’ll see you in the morning bright and early.” “Don’t bank on it.”
As she walked out of the massive cathedral a beautiful drizzle shined the brick walk, she covered herself with her dazzling much too cosmopolitan red jacket, and made way towards her brand new Ford motor car. Ford was a company financially in trouble, Lauren did not check the car buyers bible to see if the possible resale value of the car would make it a worthy investment, she didn’t even have the money to buy it, she did not even know that she was helping to save Ford, she just bought it because the dealership was on her way home. Antoinette gave her the money and the red jacket, Antoinette wanted her to buy a nice sexy European car, Lauren acted crustily indifferent, “They are all cars.” Sometimes Ford gets lucky. She made her way to her Ford when she stumbled upon a rattling bottle of pills. She picked them up, used her key chain flashlight to take a closer look, “Timothy Wellington” The prescription was for “Timothy Wellington” The label read “Paxil.”
Lauren placed it in her coat pocket looked back at the massive cathedral where she now knew Timothy Wellington lay dead, got in her car and went to kiss Antoinette good morning before rushing to the police department.
posted by Ricardo Correa at
8/31/2006 05:58:00 PM
